How Do You Love?
With Valentine’s Day approaching, I want to take a moment to tell my husband how grateful I am to be on this life journey with him. As he manages a demanding career and challenging volunteer work, I appreciate how he finds time to show that he cares about us.
How do you love? How do you show who you love how much you love them?
Loving someone is deeply personal and expresses your values and commitment. To love is to embrace another's presence in our lives, recognizing their strengths and flaws.
Showing love manifests in various ways, but communicating regularly is fundamental—sharing thoughts, feelings, and experiences strengthens bonds. Quality time spent together—engaging in activities that both individuals enjoy—fosters connection and understanding. And acts of kindness, no matter how small, can convey love powerfully—whether it's preparing a meal, offering support, or simply listening without judgment.
Although gifts can serve as tangible reminders of affection, especially thoughtful gestures that promote closeness and show someone that you value them, be careful about equating monetary value with love. It’s the intention behind a gift that shows your love. Actions speak louder than things.
People give, receive, and understand love in different ways. Ultimately, love is about making an effort to understand and acknowledge the other person’s needs and desires, consistently demonstrating care in ways that resonate with them.
Wondering how to show your love this Valentine’s Day? Consider the framework Gary Chapman developed in The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts (2015). Chapman’s framework helps us understand how each of us experiences love.
How do you experience love? Do you feel love through words of affirmation, quality time together, receiving gifts, acts of service, or physical touch? How does the one you love experience love? The answers may not be the same for both of you.
According to Chapman, we all have a primary and secondary love language as well as dialects for each type or the various ways you prefer your language expressed. For example, your primary love language may be physical touch, but you prefer that it is expressed through handholding rather than a back rub.
For the one you love to feel your love, you need to speak their language in their dialect, and for you to feel love, they need to speak yours as you prefer. To explore these ideas further, go to 5lovelanguages.com and take the quiz to figure out your own and your loved ones’ love languages. Better yet, take the quiz with the ones you love and talk about what you learn about yourself and each other. Intentionally choosing to express your love for others by using their languages and dialects improves our relationships.
Love requires both intention and mindfulness, recognizing that it is not just a feeling but an active choice made each day. Happy Valentine’s Day!